Killing Jerry
by faerielunacy
Summary: When a guard upsets Harley, she wants to be the one to kill him. Will the Joker beat her to it?


Killing Jerry  
  
By Faerielunacy

"Mmm, hmmm-hmmm. I love my Puddin' but he's not here, I love my Puddin' but he doesn't care!" she sang at the top of her lungs and spun her small curvy form in time to her song. "La! La-la-laaaaa!"

"Shut-up!" Harley heard someone yell from down the hall.

"Humph," Harley said as she slumped to the ground in a huff. "Some people. No one appreciates good music with the theme of love." She held her hands over her heart and sighed. Daydreaming for she didn't know how long, her glassy blue eyes came back into focus on a guard coming her way. "Oooo, oooo, hey! Mister guard sir!"

"Yes..." He began in a seemingly bored yet annoyed tone.

"Um, hee-hee," she giggled. "How much longer 'till supper?"

"About two more hours Miss Quinn. Anything else?"

"Yeah," She said brightly, "Have you seen my Puddin'? See, I'm real hungry..."she started to laugh. Jerry knew he shouldn't get into a conversation with any of the inmates. Besides being against the rules he heard why it was against the rules, it was just plain dangerous! But he was new and despite being warned, Harley seemed harmless.

"Your Puddin'? You mean the Joker, right?" he said with a slight condescending laughter in his voice.

"No, I mean my giant fire-breathing donkey." Her once bubbling perky tone dropped down to a serious monotone. Jerry laughed nervously and then quickly pulled himself together. What was he afraid of? First of all, she's just a small blonde, ditzy woman. Secondly, and most obviously, she's behind bars. How could she harm him?

"Yeah, I saw your boyfriend..." Harley instantly perked up with a giant smile on her face. "I saw him down on the ground as some other guards and I pummeled that bastard into the concrete floor! Ha ha!" Jerry continued to laugh as he made his way down the other end of the hall. "Sick, twisted freak lover." He thought out loud about little Harley Quinn. And as tears streamed down her face, hearing every word, she clenched the window bars tightly in her petite hands, her face turning to a red rage! "Noooooo! You're lying you sick pile of shit! Come back here right now! I'll rip out yer intestines through your ass and feed them to you! I'll, I'll, Puuuuuddin' Nooo!" By now she had thrown herself onto the ground and began to thrash herself around.

"Shit, now I'm going to lose my job! Maybe if I just sneak out of the maximum security wing..."

"Quick!" said Doctor Leland. "Harley's going to throw herself into convulsions if we don't sedate her!" Passing the guard quickly she glanced at him and said "Don't you move." Her voice was cold and accusing. The guard gulped loudly and soon realized that all eyes were on him. Well, all the inmates eyes that he could see.

"You know, you're even dumb for a man. That must make you incredibly stupid." Said a sexy sultry voice. It was Poison Ivy. "You know we will escape. We always do. What, no lame comeback? You were sure full of it a few minutes ago. Humph. Men." Ivy said disgusted. "Oh and by the way, when Harley says something she means it." She ended casually. Jerry buried his head in his hands, but it wasn't nearly over yet. Harley's cries had finally subsided to small whimpering noises, and Dr. Leland made her way towards the now cowering guard.

"Mr. Stevenson, if you ever, _ever_ even think about harming any one of my patients ever again, especially Harley, your job _will_ be terminated."  
  
"That's the least of my worries right now." He thought.

A few hours later, during supper...  
  
"Harley! Hon' are you alright?" Ivy hurried up to Harley, who was getting in line.  
  
"Yeah, Red, I'm fine."  
  
"I heard what happened Harley."  
  
"Oh, that, um, it's no big deal. It's his funeral, right?" Harley said with a sly smile.  
  
"Right." Ivy said, glad her friend wasn't dwelling on what happened but taking action. "Here," Ivy slipped Harley her dull plastic knife she was using to eat her salad. "Do you want my fork too?" 

"Sure, after your done with it." After Harley's episode a few hours earlier, she was strictly allowed finger foods for Supper. "Hah! It's Puddin'! And he's alright!"

Poison Ivy just rolled her eyes as she watched her friend run up to the Joker. He sat his tray down on a nearby table and picked Harley up in a quick fluid motion.

"So, Harley-girl, was that you making all that noise earlier today?" "Who, me?" She looked innocently as she batted her long dark eyelashes at him.

"I heard all about it." He said as he let go and let her fall to the ground. He knelt down and whispered to his Harley, "He won't get away with it." Standing, he straightened his uniform. "No one makes fun of the Joker and gets away with it." He took Harley's hand in his, helping her up, "After all, I may be crazy, but I still have my pride!"  
  
"But Puddin'! I-"  
  
"Shh." He said putting a finger to her cherry lips. Then he walked away.  
  
"I wanted to be the one to kill him." She finished defeatedly.  
  
Poison Ivy came up from right behind her. "Harley, you can't let him boss you around like this!"  
  
"He never let's me have any of the fun!" Harley whined.  
  
"What have I been telling you girl, you need to stop letting him push you around, hell, he doesn't even listen to you! You need to stand up for yourself, especially around the Joker."  
  
"You know, I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna let him know just how I feel!" Harley leapt up.  
  
"Oh, I already know how you feel..."  
  
"Eek!"  
  
"And you feel pretty good to me!" He slapped her on the butt.  
  
"Joker!" Ivy said incredulously to how he was treating Harley. She should be used to their strange relationship by now. Harley just giggled uncontrollably and Ivy cleared her throat loudly, elbowing Harley hard in the ribs.  
  
"Oh, um, Puddin'..."  
  
"Yes", Joker answered as if talking to a little girl.  
  
"Um, I was jus' wonderin' if well, I could kill the guard since he, you know, got me so upset an' everythin'."  
  
"You?!" Joker said in disbelief. He then began to laugh softly.  
  
"Well, yeah. You never let me do anything!" she whined, pouted and sat herself smack on her butt in the middle of the cafeteria.  
  
"Oh pumpkin pie, it was going to be a surprise! I was going to escape, kidnap fatso, and then rescue you! I was going to let you kill him with me!"  
  
"Humph." Ivy snorted.  
  
Paying no attention to Ivy's disbelief, Harley exclaimed, "Really!? Oh! I never should have doubted you, will you forgive me?"  
  
"Of course! Now, we've got to think of a brilliant plan to escape, kidnap, and kill fatso." He said as he turned Harley away from Ivy.  
  
"Okay! So, what's the plan?" she ended her sentence with a whisper.

(The next day...) 

"Pleeeeeease Ivy! Pleeeeeeease!"  
  
"No Harley! I'm planning it for _my_ next escape! You can't have it!"

"But I-I-I _have_ to **_have_** it Ivy! Waaaaaaaa!" Her shrill cries began to draw attention to them.  
  
"Oh alright! If you'll just be quiet! Here!" Ivy handed Harley a small plastic bag with green powder in it.  
  
"Oh thank you Red! Thank you thank you thank you!" She gave Ivy a giant bear hug which caught Ivy off balance, sending them careening to the ground.  
  
"Mwah! Mwah!" Harley narrated her kisses. "I'll be yer best friend forever!"  
  
"That's what I was afraid of..." Ivy said.  
  
"Oh Red, you're so funny!"

The following night... 

"Oh Puddin' this is going to be soooo romantic!"  
  
"How did you get free again?" The Joker asked.  
  
"Oh, Ivy helped me." She said as she laid her head against Joker's right arm. "So, where does ol' Jerry live anyway?"  
  
"You'll see, there's no need explaining it now, my dear." He said as he pushed her head away from him, making it smack hard against the passenger window.  
  
"I'm jus' gonna take a lil'...nap."  
  
"Finally," thought Joker.  
  
Getting out of his purple stolen car, and into the night, he checked to make sure he had everything. "Show time." He said with an amused sparkle in his eyes.  
  
Casually walking up to the apartment building, he found his way to apartment 2A. Knocking on the door, he reached into his pocket, pulling out what looked like a grenade with a bright red smile painted on it. Impatiently, he knocked again. "Pizza Delivery!" he bellowed. That oughta get him up and running to the door!

"I didn't order any pizza!" Jerry said as he opened the door. "OH, God, no." He had opened the door just enough for Joker to throw in his "bomb". Gas exploded from it and Jerry didn't cover his mouth in time, breathing in the poisonous fumes. He couldn't move his body. He tried, but his limbs didn't cooperate. He was just stiff, lying there helplessly before the Joker. The worst part was, he couldn't even scream or close his eyes to the horror of a human being who was cheerfully smiling down upon him.


End file.
